As I point out in my new gluten-free book The Jerk-Free Workplace, when people ask for feedback, often they are just hoping to hear how fabulous they are. Yet, a study by the consulting firm Zenger Folkman found that by a three-to-one margin, employees believe corrective feedback does more to improve their performance than 100% positive feedback. Specifically, 72% of employees felt their performance would improve if they received more corrective feedback; 92% agreed that, when it's delivered properly, negative feedback improves performance.

A few weeks ago I wrote how an OfficeVibe survey found that 82% of employees value feedback from colleagues and 62% wish they received more feedback. Another study found that people trust and respect colleagues more when they ask for feedback and that they are more likely to view them as a leader when they ask for feedback.

Netflix has a truly innovative culture based largely on open and honest communication that stresses the importance of employees regularly asking for feedback. They even encourage employees to ask their boss this question:

             "If I were thinking of leaving, how hard would you work to change my mind?"

Gulp. That's not an easy question to ask. But the only way to get feedback, especially when no one is offering any, is to ask for it!  And how we ask for it makes a huge difference.

Executive leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith suggests that when we ask for feedback the best way to frame the question is by asking, "How can I do better?" or "What can I do to be a better leader for the group?"  Goldsmith recommends that when you ask for feedback you should solicit advice rather than criticism, be future-focused with your request, and frame your question in ways that make it clear you really are going to try to do better.   

An even less intimidating approach I also recommend is asking: "What is one small thing I could start doing and one small thing I should stop doing that you think would help me improve my performance?"